


This Is A Place Where I Feel At Home

by double_ot



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 4x04, Christopher Diaz is a National Treasure, Eddie Diaz Can't Cook (9-1-1 TV), Eddie Diaz Comforts Evan "Buck" Buckley, Gen, M/M, Pre-Relationship Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, all my homies hate marge and phil, christopher diaz is the favorite diaz
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 10:07:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29294154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/double_ot/pseuds/double_ot
Summary: I was talking in my group chat when @Buckleyswillow  brought this scene to mind."Eddie getting the key bc of the death pact (hen and bobby sharing keys in case one of them can’t make it home) and then buck getting injured and in a coma in buck begins and he has to go to buck’s apartment to like get clothes for him IDK why bare with me I have no idea and he just walks in and it’s dead silent and he finally breaks down and starts crying bc he doesn’t know if buck will wake up and he just holds on to his shirt crying"So I took it and ran with it.Inspired also in part by the song, "To Build a Home"
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 25
Kudos: 264





	1. Chapter 1

Eddie Diaz sits by himself in the waiting room of the hospital. His fingers anxiously run over the keys in his hand. One for his house, his truck, his locker at the firehouse, and one to his best friend’s apartment.

“Eddie, I think we should swap house keys just in case.”

“In case of what?”

“I dunno... Emergency? What if I fall in the shower and don’t come to work! I don’t want you and Bobby breaking down my door! I’d rather give you a key for peace of mind.”

Eddie laughs at the idea of him and Bobby breaking down Buck’s front door together. “Alright, Buck, we can go get keys made for each other.”

Eddies done waiting. He’s been in this waiting room for over 4 hours and still nothing. As he gets up to leave, he hears the nurse behind him,

“Mr. Diaz?” He whips his head around to meet the nurse’s gaze. He can’t get a read on the emotion of her face.

“How is he?” he asks her.

“They were able to stop the bleeding in surgery, which is a great sign. However, he did hit his head very hard and remains unconscious.”

“Well is he going to wake up anytime soon? Does he have a brain bleed? What exactly does that mean?” His mind is racing 100 miles per hour.

“Unfortunately, we don’t know when he will wake up. Thankfully, he does not have a brain bleed. We’re monitoring him closely for changes. You can go see him if you’d like.”

“Uh, maybe later...” he turns on his heels and walks out of the hospital.

He gets into his truck and starts to drive. He isn’t sure where he is going. His son, Christopher, is currently at his house with Carla. He doesn’t want to go there because he doesn’t want to worry Chris with any uncertainty. He thinks about going to the firehouse to work out. They did get a new punching bag. Everyone would be asking questions about Buck, so that’s out of the question as well. He stops at a red light and thinks of where to go. He glances down on his keyring and looks at the tie-die key dangling.

“Dad, I think you should get matching tie-die keys.” Christopher says, laughing at the rows and rows of keys at the hardware store

“Christopher, those are twice as expensive as the normal keys!”

“But dad, those are BORING.”

“Ya c’mon, dad, those _are_ boring,” Buck laughs as he picks up a tie-dye print key. “You’re right, Chris, these are fun. I think we should get them.”

Eddie groans, “Fine, we can get the fun keys.”

Before he knows it, Eddie is on autopilot mode. He’s on his way to Buck’s apartment. He’s not sure why. Buck won’t be there, but something inside him tells him he has to go.

He pulls into the parking lot as he has done many times before. He gets out of his car and walks into the building. He’s been here many times before, even when Buck isn’t here. However, this time feels different.

He slides the tie-die key into the lock and gives it a slight turn. As the door opens, the apartment feels different. Normally, it feels warm and full of life, even if it’s just Buck alone in the apartment. Normally, it feels like home. Today it feels cold. Eddie feels out of place. He walks in the door and slips his shoes off. Buck always tells him it’s unnecessary, but it’s just how he was raised. He wanders into the apartment, trying to figure out why exactly he’s here. He hasn’t been here for a while. When COVID hit, they really only spent time at the Diaz household. Even though it was further away from the firehouse, it was bigger, and there was a backyard. 

He walks over to the sofa and sits down. Even if it’s just a piece of furniture, it holds so many memories for him. He and Buck have spent countless hours sitting on the couch playing video games with Christopher. He looks down and laughs. The pizza stain that Buck swore he would clean up is still there. He might as well clean it since he’s here. He gets up off the couch and walks into the kitchen. He grabs a washcloth and wets it under warm water, and adds some dawn to it. He goes back to the couch and starts dabbing the stain away. After a few minutes, the stain is fully gone. As he walks back to the kitchen, he thought he might as well clean up since he’s here. 

Before he knows it, three hours have gone by, and Eddies cleaned the entirety of Buck’s apartment. Cleaned and put away his dishes, thrown out the food that was getting bad from the refrigerator, washed the floors, and cleaned the bathroom. He walks into Buck’s bedroom and sits down on his bed. 

“After Buck gets released, he’ll want comfortable clothes to change into. The clothes they give you at the hospital are not nice at all” he thinks to himself. 

He gets up and walks towards Buck’s dresser. Sitting on top of his dresser, Buck has various pictures framed. One is of the 118 from when Buck was a probie. One is of Maddie and Buck as children, and one is of Buck and his niece. Eddie smiles at the memories he has framed but is slightly hurt he’s not in any of the pictures. He brushes this off as it’s been a very emotional day. 

He pulls open the top drawer and rummages through all the t-shirts. He pulls out one of Buck’s well-loved henleys and throws it on the bed. He then opens the next drawer and pulls out a pair of sweatpants. Finally, he pulls open the last drawer and grabs a pair of boxers out. He sits down next to the pile of clothes and looks at the outfit next to him.

“That shirt looks familiar,” he thinks to himself. A lightbulb goes off in his head. It looks familiar because it’s his shirt. He picks up the light blue shirt and thumbs over the fabric in his hands. 

An overwhelming sense of sadness engulfs him. He clutches the shirt close to his chest as the tears begin to fall. Before he knows it, his body has thrown him into a panic attack. All that he can think of is the possibility that his best friend might never wake up. He is so angry at him for his actions. Buck committed such a reckless act because he felt like nobody cared about him. In reality, that couldn’t be further from the truth. He sits there and thinks back to everything he’s ever said to him that day. Wondering where he could’ve been a better friend. This spiral continues for half an hour before Eddie’s body finally gives out from exhaustion, and he falls asleep on the bed. 

He is awoken two hours later by the sound of his phone ringing. He reaches over to the bedside table where he had left his phone. In the process of reaching for his phone, he knocks over a picture frame he didn’t even know was there. He grabs the frame and puts it upright and smiles. It was a picture of him, Christopher, and Buck taken at the 118’s Christmas party last year. He is distracted from the unpleasant reality for just a few seconds before he remembers that his phone is ringing. He picks up his phone and looks at the caller ID. It’s Bobby.

He answers the phone but before he gets a chance to get out a full sentence Bobby interrupts him.

“You should get down to the hospital.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The resolution of the previous chapter since people wanted it. Inspired loosely by the song "Guiding Light" by Foy Vance.

“You should get down to the hospital.” Bobby’s voice carries over his speaker. 

Eddie’s mind races. Typically he’s very good at reading the tone of someone’s voice. In this instance, there’s no way to know; Bobby said it in the flattest and neutral tone he’s ever heard. 

Eddie gets up off the bed and wanders into the bathroom. He goes to the sink and splashes cold water on his face. 

“This can not be happening,” he thinks to himself.

As he looks into the mirror, he hardly recognizes himself. The intense fear he feels in his thoughts manifests in the sunken look in his eyes, his white knuckles gripped on the countertop, and his jawline clenched in fear. He looks down at his shirt and noticed that not only did he splash water onto it just moments ago, but it also appears that he had drooled on himself in his sleep. He grabs his gray t-shirt by the collar and yanks it off his body, and throws it on the floor. He walks back into the bedroom, grabs the light blue long sleeve he had set out earlier, and throws it on. He rummages through the top drawer for another shirt, grabs the rest of the outfit he had picked out for Buck, grabs his keys and phone, and heads out the door.

Its been almost 11 hours since his best friend was admitted into the hospital after the accident. He’s spent 11 out of those 11 hours overthinking every word he’s uttered to his best friend, wondering what he could’ve said better.

After Buck’s parents came to town, he had been off. The way that Buck would talk sometimes scared Eddie. He knew Buck wasn’t suicidal. However, he did know that Buck would risk everything, including his own life, for someone else. That was the blessing and the curse that Buck had as a firefighter. He was so selfless that everyone he ever saved remembers him. At the same time, he placed such low value on his own life that he often made reckless decisions.

On the way to the hospital, Eddie hits every red light possible. Being a very superstitious person, this was not a sign that he liked. Buck always teased him on how superstitious he was. He knew it was something that he needed to work on, but he just never had the time.

“Buck.. what are you doing? You know that’s my controller.”  
“Eddie... They’re the exact same. It doesn’t matter.”  
“Yes, it does! The down key on this one sticks. I don’t like this one. I want to use that one. I won’t be able to win with this controller.”  
Buck rolls his eyes at him, “Is he always this superstitious?” He asks Christopher.  
Christopher bursts into extremely contagious laughter, “Always! It’s so annoying! Someone needs to stand up to him.”  
“Well then… Eddie, this is my controller now, and you must get over it.” Buck says, playfully punching Eddie in the shoulder.  
Eddie groans and starts the game.

Eddie pulls into the hospital parking lot, puts his truck in park, and lets out a huge sigh. He isn’t sure what he will be walking into. He prepares himself for the worst.  
Worst case scenario, his best friend is dead.  
Worst case scenario, Christopher loses another parental figure.  
Worst case scenario, his favorite person on earth is gone.

If his worst thoughts come true, he isn’t sure how he’ll recover. Losing Shannon was tough, really tough. He had to relearn how to love again and how to trust again. He did all of that, and yeah, it still hurts sometimes, but he got over it. If Evan Buckley was to die, he isn’t sure how he could go on. He learned how to love again and trust again with the help of Evan Buckley.

Evan Buckley was his glimmer of light in the darkness of his worst days.

He finally musters enough courage to get out of his truck and go into the hospital. As he walks through the parking lot, he tries to give himself the best pep talk he could think of. 

“Everything is going to be okay. Buck will be okay,” he repeatedly says in his head as he walks towards the front doors.

The automatic doors open in front of him, and Bobby is standing there waiting for him. Once again, he can not read the look on his face.

“So?!” Eddie asks him impatiently. 

Bobby motions towards the hallway, and they walk together silently towards Buck’s room. Eddie doesn’t ask. He doesn’t want to know.

It seems like they’ve been walking down this hallway for hours now, but they finally reach Buck’s room. Bobby opens the door for Eddie and waits for him to go in first.

“THERE HE IS!! GI!!!” Buck screams from his bed.

Eddie can’t help the overwhelming and confusing array of emotions that flow out of him. He laughs because, of course, the first thing Buck would say to him after a near-death experience was to call him some stupid nickname he has already said he hated. He starts to cry because he finally realized how much this human means to him, and he’s so relieved that he is alive. He feels himself start to get angry at Buck for his stupid actions but pushes that feeling away because it’s not necessary at the moment.

“How many times do I have you tell you, dude, I hate that nickname!” Eddie says as he walks over to his best friend, “I’m glad you’re okay, man.” he says as he grabs Buck’s hand. 

“Well, “okay” is a stretch. I’ve got a long road ahead of me.” Buck says as he squeezes Eddie’s hand, “But, I’ve been here before, and I’ve always come out on the other side a stronger..” his voice trails off as he stares at Eddie, “Hey.. is that my shirt?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank y'all so much for the love it really means a lot! I hope you enjoyed this one :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just a short little transition chapter :)

“Hey.. is that my shirt?” Buck asks as he stares intently at the blue shirt on Eddie.

“Aha, they have you on the good drugs I see.” Eddie laughs at him.

“I will leave you two alone to catch up,” Bobby says as he opens the door to leave, “I’m glad you’re okay kid,” he mentions to Buck as he heads out the door.

Eddie is still standing there, holding his best friend’s hand. He lets out a small sigh and drops Buck’s hand. Buck lets out a small sad whimper.

“Take a breath Tiger, just getting a chair.” he laughs.

Eddie walks over to the chair sitting in the corner of the room. As his back is turned, he feels Buck’s eyes staring at him. He grips the blue pleather chair and drags it over next to Buck’s bed.

“So, how long have you been awake for?”

“Uhhhhh…” Buck’s voice trails off.

Eddie laughs, “Okay bad question on my part. How are you feeling?”

“Well, that depends, emotionally or physically? Physically, they gave me lots of drugs so I’m doing alright. I mean I have been in worse conditions.”

“And emotionally, how _are_ you?”

Buck grabs his cup of water and takes a long sip from it, lets out a huge sigh, and glares at Eddie.

“What man?! I just want to know how you are? It’s been a rough couple of days for you. I care about you and I just want to help you in any way possible. So seriously, how _are_ you?” Eddie says as he reaches up and grabs Buck’s hand again.

Buck looks down at his hand intertwined with Eddies. He runs his thumb over the back of Eddie’s palm as tears start to fall.

“Not good Eds,” Buck chokes out between sobs. “My parents, my _brother_ , and now this? It’s just a lot to process.”

“I know Buck, is there anything I can do to help you through this?” Eddie asks squeezing Buck’s hand lightly.

Buck looks at Eddie, his baby blue eyes glassy from the tears, and softly whispers, “Please don’t leave me.”

“Oh, Buck..” Eddie responds as he gets up from his chair and slides into the hospital bed next to Buck.

For the next 20 minutes, Eddie holds Buck as he cries into his chest. He runs his fingers through Buck’s blond curls in an attempt to calm him down. He doesn’t pressure him to talk; he knows he’s been through enough already. He can not imagine the insufferable amount of pain that his best friend is feeling right now.

The accident is one thing, nobody knew the building would collapse on him. His parents on the other hand? Eddie knew that Buck did not talk to his parents; so when Buck told him that they were coming to town, he braced for impact. He stocked the house with all of Buck’s favorite comfort foods and washed the blankets with the fabric softener he knew Buck liked. He was preparing for Buck to use his house as shelter, as he has done many times before. It wasn’t like that this time. After their first meeting, Buck had to go straight to work. He took out all of his aggression at work. He’s never seen another person kick a burning door down as quickly as he saw Buck did that day.

The next and final time Buck saw his parents when they were in L.A. was another story. That was the night that Buck had finally aired all his grievances against his parents. To say he was furious was an understatement. Eddie didn’t hear much out of him that day; just that he was on his way there and on his way home.

~~

“Man, you could’ve called me and came over last night,” Eddie tells Buck as he’s taking out his aggression on the new punching bag at the firehouse.

“I know,” Buck says as he lands a right jab on the bag, “I was just incredibly angry and I didn’t want Christopher to see me like that.”

“I understand that, but I have a front porch remember, we could’ve talked there.”

“Ya, I guess. I just really needed space for myself y’know.” 

“I understand, just don’t break the new bag,” Eddie tells buck as he laughs and walks away.

~~

Eddie feels Buck shift under his arm, “Hey sleepyhead. How’re you feeling?”

“I think I need more drugs,” Buck says still half-asleep.

Eddie laughs as he shifts Buck slowly off his body. He stands next to Buck’s bed, still holding his hand.

“Well, Buckley, visiting hours are almost over. I’ll go find the nurse for you. I’ll see you tomorrow okay?” Eddie says rubbing his thumb over Buck’s hand before dropping it.

“Promise?” Buck pleads with his pinkie finger extended.

Eddie laughs and extends his pinkie, but before he can lock it with Buck’s, Buck pulls his hand back quickly.

“Wait a second, will you bring my favorite Diaz?” Buck asks reextending his pinkie.

“I thought I was your favorite Diaz..?” Eddie responds offended.

Buck bursts into laughter. “No. Christopher is my favorite. Will you bring him tomorrow? I miss him.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “Of course I’ll bring him tomorrow,” he promises as he links pinkies with Buck.

Eddie turns to walk out of the room when he hears Buck yell at him one last time.

“You never answered me GI… isn’t that my shirt?!”

“Goodnight Buckley, I will see you tomorrow,” Eddie responds as he rolls his eyes.

“SO IT IS MY SHIRT,” Buck exclaims as Eddie walks out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank y'all so much for the support on my first piece! It truly means the world to me! If you like this I'll continue! Just let me know :))


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie finally leaves the hospital and has a heart-to-heart with Carla and a trip down memory lane.

As Eddie walks out of the hospital he is able to breathe a sigh of relief. His best friend is going to be okay. As he is walking to his car he pulls out his phone and calls Carla.

“So how’s our favorite Buckley doing?” Carla asks him.

“He’s doing alright. I’m headed home now. Thank you so much for staying with Christopher.”

“Of course honey, that’s what I’m here for! Christophers asleep and there’s dinner in the fridge for you. I’ll see you soon.”  
“You’re the best. I’ll see you soon.” 

Eddie climbs into his truck and heads off towards home.

15 minutes later he makes it back home. He tries his best to open the front door quietly as not to disturb Chris. Carla is sitting on the couch reading. She puts her book down, stands up, and walks towards Eddie. Her compassionate eyes stare into Eddie’s worried ones and she just knows. She wraps her arms around him and engulfs him in one of her signature warm hugs. Eddie hugs her back and lets out a few tears. 

“He’s going to be okay, you know that right? He’s a fighter, one of the strongest people I know.”

“I know... It’s just hard to see him like that, in all that pain.”

Carla pulls away from the hug and sits down on the couch. She motions to have Eddie come and sit beside her. Eddie sits beside her. It’s the first time in almost 16 hours he feels at rest. The anxious thoughts have calmed down and the world-crushing realizations have subsided. He lets out a huge sigh,

“So have you been at the hospital this whole time?”

“I was for a while. Then I got tired of waiting. I was just feeling very anxious and sitting there in the waiting room, unsure of anything, it wasn’t helping me. I tried walking around the hospital and that didn’t work. When I was sitting there it felt like the room was just getting smaller and smaller. The world was caving in on me. So I left.

“Where did you go? Back to the firehouse?”

“Actually...” Eddie chuckled, “I went to Buck’s place.

“Oh?”

“Ya... I love that loft. All the memories that live there. The movie nights with Chris and the early quarantine house. I just feel so at home there. I just knew that it would be a quiet spot to process things... I actually cleaned the entire place” Eddie says letting out a quiet laugh.

“Edmundo Diaz, you hate cleaning. If it wasn’t for Christopher you would barely clean your own place. Why did you clean his?”

Eddie smiled. She wasn’t wrong. He hated cleaning. 

“I just didn’t want him to go back to a dirty apartment y’know? Besides, if I was in the hospital I’d hope he’d do the same thing for me.” Eddie feels a smile forming as he thinks of how amazing Buck would be if Eddie ever landed himself in the hospital. His mind gets lost in the daydream of the idea of what Buck would do. 

He knows for sure Buck would try to wait as long as he could at the hospital. Inevitably, Buck’s ADHD would kick into overdrive and he would have to do something to keep him from going off the deep end. He knows that Buck would come to the house and clean everything, do all of Eddie’s, and probably Christopher’s, laundry, and go into meal prep overdrive. He knows that Buck would make sure Christopher was doing okay with everything. He also knows that he would be dying inside without showing any of it on the outside just for Christopher’s sake. Like he’s said many times before, Christoper is Buck’s favorite Diaz and that wasn’t a secret. 

“Eddie..???” 

His daydream gets interrupted by Carla waving her hand in front of his face. 

“Are you with me anymore?”

“Oh, ya I am. Sorry. Just a little sleepy.”  
“Mhm, sure. Looks to me like you were daydreaming.

Eddie chuckles, “Nothing gets past you, Carla.”

“This is true, I notice everything.” She boasts as she smiles at him. “I’m going to get going now unless you need anything else?”

“I’m good. Thank you for everything, really. I’m taking Christopher by the hospital tomorrow and Bobby’s given me the next couple of days off so I’ll text you later when I have an idea of my schedule.”

“Letting Buck see his favorite Diaz? Good call. That’ll lift his spirits. Just text me when you need me.” Carla says as she gives Eddie one last hug before heading out the door.

Eddie takes his time getting ready for bed. The number of things he should try to process before the day was over was astronomical. He knew he couldn’t reasonably do it all so he started with the small things.

The blue shirt he was still wearing. He was positive it was his, he just wasn’t sure how it ended up at Buck’s place.

~~

“Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me!” Buck screamed from the kitchen.

It was a typical Wednesday movie night. Buck had offered to make dinner as he often does. Christopher had suggested spaghetti and meatballs and Buck happily agreed. Eddie wandered into the kitchen from the living room to see what the commotion was all about. When he arrived he couldn’t help but chuckle at the scene he was looking at.

“Its. Not. Funny.” Buck snapped at him.

Eddie continued to laugh. 

“Actually Buck, it’s pretty hilarious.”

“What’s hilarious?” Christopher said walking in behind his dad.

Eddie stepped out of Christopher’s way to give him full access to the mess in the kitchen. Christopher joined his dad as they laughed at Buck. Buck was standing there with tomato sauce all over the counter, floor, his shirt, and his face.

“Seriously?! You’re going to stand there and laugh at me and not help me?!”

Eddie and Christopher continued to laugh.

“Oh, man... Where’s my phone?” Eddie asks.

“NO. YOU ARE NOT TAKING A PICTURE OF ME LIKE THIS.”

“Why not?? It’s a great memory to have.”

“Eddie... Please just help me clean up.”

“Alright, alright. Chris, can you go get me some towels?”

“Sure, are we still having spaghetti?”

Buck rolled his eyes. 

“If your dad will go to the store and get another jar of sauce then yes.”

Eddie laughed.

“Let’s clean this up then I’ll go get more.”

It took the three of them twenty minutes to get all of the sauce cleaned up. Eddie was grabbing his keys to head to the store when Buck stopped him.

“Uh Eds, can I have a clean shirt, this one is... moist.”

Eddie chuckled. 

“Of course just go pick one out. I’ll be back soon.”

~~

Eddie laughs at the memory. The blue shirt was the one Buck borrowed that night and just neglected to return. He was so exhausted he couldn’t do much more. He slipped off the blue shirt and changed into his pajamas. He knew he needed to figure out how to tell Christopher what had happened to Buck, but that seemed like a problem for tomorrow.


End file.
